REALLY? Impolite, manipulative kids are more successful when they grow up?

Here is the dilemma facing modern parents:  How do we teach our kids to be polite, respectful AND successful in a society that rewards rude, manipulative and demanding people? 

At the end of this post, check your free Parent-the-Parent Home-Study 4 week self-help lesson plan designed to change family patterns of 'Asking and Receiving'.  

I don't know about you but as a child, I was taught that it was not polite to ask for what you wanted... however, children could choose words that hinted at what they wanted.   We used body language to convey an unspoken wish, and it was even OK to gently, naively manipulate people to get what you wanted.  The rule was you could wish for that pony but because you couldn't directly ASK for it, you rarely got it.  As a result, there are two generations of wishers not do-ers who are now the role models for today's kids.  AND today's kids are rebelling against anything that is not authentic and honest because they are bombarded with inauthentic media! Today's children are a new breed challenging us to guide them to become better people than we are ourselves.  Now this is a dilemma! 

Things have changed. There are no boundaries to what we can ask for, and there are certainly no boundaries for how we ask.  This is the root of a huge "respect" problem plaguing parents raising kids, teachers teaching kids, corporations hiring and keeping employees who are essentially big kids.  Pushing the respect issues out to the next level beyond family, friends and careers, how about cultures not respecting other cultures resulting in escalating hot spot wars. 

What about media?  Have you noticed the direct assault on consumers to buy products, to take training, to enroll in costly self-help programs? Media advertising, kids shows and movies have all taught our children to be very direct and demanding.  Where does this leave parents who want to raise kids to be respectful AND successful when their little buddies at school are playing by overwhelmingly different rules?   

Here are two tough questions... How do parents teach communications skills that are respectful and still give young kids a voice?  Is it still possible to teach kids how to make appropriate long range choices, so that they grow into adults who are able to get what they need to live fulfilling and fulfilled lives?  

Parent-the-Parent Home Study homework:  
This post is providing your FREE 4 week self-study project to build respectful, successful communication so both you and your kids ask directly for what you want and get it without the drama or anger. 

Choose one question per week and journal your experiences.
Pay attention to (a) challenging moments and (b)  moments of success.   
Then (c) choose to release non-productive behaviours immediately replacing them with one of your new respectful behaviours. 

Exercise #1.  Behaviours Recognition:  Live the behaviours you want your kids to copy. 

To get rid of your worst behaviours, you need to first identify those gut wrenching moments when you practically scream... "Do what I say, not what I do!" This exercise is tough because it  means you have to pay attention to and get rid of your worst behaviours

• Make a list of the top 3 worst behaviours both you and your kids share  (YES, they are copying you!)
• Choose 1 behaviour to let go of
• Design a better behaviour that is easy for you to maintain
• Practice this new behaviour religiously for one week.  Notice the difference. 

Note:  Kids resist because if it's OK for you to do something then WHY isn't it OK for them?  

         

Exercise #2.  Releasing Worst Behaviours 

You've heard kids complain when you tell them to stop..."It's not fair!!!!  You do it!"  

     

Observe:   What is your usual response when they yell back? 

                (a) Is it working to get co-operation from  your kids? Details please.

                (b) Is this response appropriate?  Why or Why not.
                (c)  If it is appropriate:

                         Define what you are doing correctly?

                         How can you do more of this?   

   

Exercise #3.  Respect 

• Begin by respecting yourself - this takes conscious practice but your entire life will change  
• Next, show respect for your kids in your tone of voice, by getting down to their eye level
• Ask their opinions and discuss their ideas showing respect for their thoughts and using some of their ideas. 

Exercise #4.  Communicate 

• Ask your kids what they want and listen intently without immediately rejecting their ideas, dreams, wishes 
• Listen for their "need" underneath the wish or the want.  Respond with recognition of their need and an offer to help make their wish come true in some small way
• Negotiate a win-win where your kids win some of what they want and you teach them values and respect in the process. 

  

I'm Sue Rumack your parent-the-parent coach.  My entire goal in writing this blog is help parents who may not be able to access group or individual coaching to get as much help as they can, with each homework to make change begin to happen for themselves.  Choose a week, any week and try just one of the suggestions above for that whole week.  Then let me know what changed at your house.  It's FREE and it will change your life.  

Print this post so you have the questions handy and keep it with your journal.  

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Enjoy InJOY

Sue Rumack, Parent the Parent Expert, CCFL

Author:  The Pulse of Awakening, How to Connect With Soul and Life Purpose

              The Top 10 Tools Every Successful Parent Needs (release Christmas 2014) 

Blog:  http://parentingsuccesstips.blogspot.ca/

Website:   https://www.pulseofawakening.com/parent-the-parent.html

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