Trust: Tantrums RULE
Your adult tantrum beats ANYTHING the kids can throw at ya!
You are feeling it... The rage like a runaway train builds momentum heading down the mountainside; faster, faster, impossible to stop... The bridge is out and there's no stopping. In horror you watch as it plummets over the edge, falling... falling... falling headfirst into the abyss... down... down... down...lost in the mists. And then, it gets worse! You aren't the only witness to this disaster. The reporters are there, The photographers, The moment has been frozen in memories forever....
You lost it and everyone saw you lose it.... your kids will remember the train crashing into the abyss and figure out that if it's OK for you to have a major freakin' public tantrum with all the bells and whistles, attention and immediate results, then it must be OK for them to copy you! AND THEY DO!!! Brilliantly!
Tantrums rule because we trust the results we always get from out of control behaviour to get what we want, when we want it. On the negative side, we can also trust the fallout... fallout that affects how we attempt to control our kids and how others learn from sad experience to trust their expectation of our public and behaviours.
For some people, tantrums are their go to behaviour. They get what they want because nobody wants to deal with their tantrum.
Who are these adult tantrummers? They are often your garden variety grown up bully. You trained your parents with your tantrums when you were a kid. You trained your friends and teachers with your tantrums, you train your spouse and you train your kids. And no big surprise, within the first years of life, your kids are your best students because they copy you to the letter.
Who are these adult tantrummers? They are often your garden variety grown up bully. You trained your parents with your tantrums when you were a kid. You trained your friends and teachers with your tantrums, you train your spouse and you train your kids. And no big surprise, within the first years of life, your kids are your best students because they copy you to the letter.
Now here is the confusing part for both you and your kids if the tantrum is your go-to solution for most challenges. You love your kids and hate them at the same time especially when they begin to control you with their tantrums. At first you are confused, then you are annoyed, then you are frustrated and then the rage begins to build, you know the feeling... your kid is tantrumming and so are you. They are screaming and you are screaming at them... it gets out of control and you don't know how to put on the breaks. Then everyone plummets over the edge down into the abyss.
What happens next is textbook... Your dislike of their behaviour often feels like dislike for them. They feel it, and begin to believe that you don't like them... You translate dislike into no longer loving them. They respond to this misperception by tantrumming even more because that is the only control they have in their tiny lives. The divide between you and your kid grows as they grow and one day you realize that they are repeating your life and there is nothing you can do about it. Family patterns are established and history repeats and repeats and repeats.
The solution is in developing new ways of communicating. It is possible to reverse tantrums in both adults and children with a few simple tools.
6 Tools to Reverse Tantrums: Theirs and Yours
Parent the Parent Home-Study Tools - Short Version
Tool #1 Acceptance
Accept that you can't change
anyone else's stress patterns but that changing your stress reactions will
impact everyone in your family, and workplace
Tool #2 Observation
Take time to review your past to
isolate those stress triggers that always ruin your holiday
Tool #3 Intention
Set the intention to defuse just one trigger at a
time. Choose to become nonjudgmental of
yourself, and kind and compassionate to yourself and others as you work through
these life spoilers
Tool #4 Belief
Proof: Decide to believe that your own reactions to
stress are controllable!
Take action: Use new
tools in this lesson to prove how your own reactions to stress are controllable
Tool #5 Tenacity
Don't give up!
Plan out-of-the-box new solutions
to each old trigger to get it gone and keep it gone.
Tool #6 Practice
Practice the de-fuser tools in
this lesson and adjust them to each situation
For the Full Version of this list with questions and answers please email portalcoach@live.ca
Subject Line: Tantrum Tools
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Enjoy InJOY
Sue Rumack, Parent the Parent Expert, CCFL
Author: The Pulse of Awakening, How to Connect With Soul and Life Purpose
The Top 10 Tools Every Successful Parent Needs (release Christmas 2014)
Website: https://www.pulseofawakening.com/parent-the-parent.html
CCFL Global Academy: http://www.CCFLGlobalAcademy.com?ref=3
Parenting Resources- 31 parenting experts, free videos, courses, 1:1 connection
CCFL Global Academy: http://www.CCFLGlobalAcademy.com?ref=3
Parenting Resources- 31 parenting experts, free videos, courses, 1:1 connection
Questions? Contact Sue Rumack, Parent the Parent Mentor via email portalcoach@live.ca subject line Parent the Parent Support.
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