TRUST: Kids Trust Adults Who Trust Themselves

The secret sauce to parenting is that your kids will only trust you as far as you trust yourself.

Who said your kids are supposed to trust you or you them?   Who wrote in stone that trust is a requirement of parenting?

It's true that many generations of families exist where not only is there no trust, but lack of trust is a reliable family pattern with a long and colourful history full of generational stories that keep repeating. Look around at the adult relationships you currently have, and ask if you implicitly trust these people to protect you, love you and believe in you?

Trust is a really tough ideal for people to buy into and yet we still naively expect that between parents and their kids, something unexplainable and unbreakable called trust exists.  So how does trust in families actually work?

Over the next few days, we will be exploring different facets of trust within the family dynamic. Please be sure to check in daily for the next installment or subscribe at the bottom of this post so you don't miss a single post.

For today we will play with definitions, and ask a few foundational questions to get you curious about tools to improve your own trusting relationships.

Definition:   Trust:  A relationship between 2 or more people who choose to open a vulnerable bond with one another.

Synonyms for Trust:

confidence, belief, faith, certainty, assurance, conviction, credence; reliance

Biology:  There is no guarantee in the familial genetic bond that guarantees TRUST between parent and child, and we aren't even touching sibling trust or extended family trust.

Intellectual:  Trust is an emotional state that permits a person to feel safe within a relationship

What is TRUST?   In all its guises still comes down to your kids trusting adults who trust themselves.  Even if that trust is misplaced, and the adult is not worthy of the trust being given, your child will still give their trust to any adult who displays self-trust.

WHY when you are the person who brought them into this world, takes care of and loves them, would your child ever consider trusting someone other than you?

• Explore where your kids put their trust.  

Homework for Parent the Parent Home-Study Members: 

1. Write one or two paragraphs exploring Trust and how it is playing out in your life.  
2. Look for repeating patterns of both positive and negative experiences.  Journal about them.
3. Ask what you learn from positive and negative trust experiences that support your building of successful trusting relationships? 

Come back tomorrow to explore The Vulnerable Parent.

I'm Sue Rumack, your parent-the-parent coach.  My entire goal in writing this blog is help parents who may not be able to access group or individual coaching to get as much help as they can, with each homework to make change begin to happen for themselves. Choose a week, any week and try just one of the suggestions above for that whole week.  Then let me know what changed at your house.  It's FREE and it will change your life.  

Print this post so you have the questions handy and keep it with your journal.  

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Enjoy InJOY

Sue Rumack, Parent the Parent Expert, CCFL

Author:  The Pulse of Awakening, How to Connect With Soul and Life Purpose

              The Top 10 Tools Every Successful Parent Needs (release Christmas 2014) 

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