TRUST: Kids Trust Adults Who Trust Themselves

The secret sauce to parenting is that your kids will only trust you as far as you trust yourself.

Who said your kids are supposed to trust you or you them?   Who wrote in stone that trust is a requirement of parenting?

It's true that many generations of families exist where not only is there no trust, but lack of trust is a reliable family pattern with a long and colourful history full of generational stories that keep repeating. Look around at the adult relationships you currently have, and ask if you implicitly trust these people to protect you, love you and believe in you?

Trust is a really tough ideal for people to buy into and yet we still naively expect that between parents and their kids, something unexplainable and unbreakable called trust exists.  So how does trust in families actually work?

Over the next few days, we will be exploring different facets of trust within the family dynamic. Please be sure to check in daily for the next installment or subscribe at the bottom of this post so you don't miss a single post.

For today we will play with definitions, and ask a few foundational questions to get you curious about tools to improve your own trusting relationships.

Definition:   Trust:  A relationship between 2 or more people who choose to open a vulnerable bond with one another.

Synonyms for Trust:

confidence, belief, faith, certainty, assurance, conviction, credence; reliance

Biology:  There is no guarantee in the familial genetic bond that guarantees TRUST between parent and child, and we aren't even touching sibling trust or extended family trust.

Intellectual:  Trust is an emotional state that permits a person to feel safe within a relationship

What is TRUST?   In all its guises still comes down to your kids trusting adults who trust themselves.  Even if that trust is misplaced, and the adult is not worthy of the trust being given, your child will still give their trust to any adult who displays self-trust.

WHY when you are the person who brought them into this world, takes care of and loves them, would your child ever consider trusting someone other than you?

• Explore where your kids put their trust.  

Homework for Parent the Parent Home-Study Members: 

1. Write one or two paragraphs exploring Trust and how it is playing out in your life.  
2. Look for repeating patterns of both positive and negative experiences.  Journal about them.
3. Ask what you learn from positive and negative trust experiences that support your building of successful trusting relationships? 

Come back tomorrow to explore The Vulnerable Parent.

I'm Sue Rumack, your parent-the-parent coach.  My entire goal in writing this blog is help parents who may not be able to access group or individual coaching to get as much help as they can, with each homework to make change begin to happen for themselves. Choose a week, any week and try just one of the suggestions above for that whole week.  Then let me know what changed at your house.  It's FREE and it will change your life.  

Print this post so you have the questions handy and keep it with your journal.  

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Want to help grow your own parenting success network?  Help grow this blog by SHARING.   There is someone out there in the blogosphere waiting to read your comments.  Please help others.  

Enjoy InJOY

Sue Rumack, Parent the Parent Expert, CCFL

Author:  The Pulse of Awakening, How to Connect With Soul and Life Purpose

              The Top 10 Tools Every Successful Parent Needs (release Christmas 2014) 

Blog:         http://parentingsuccesstips.blogspot.ca/

Website:   https://www.pulseofawakening.com/parent-the-parent.html

CCFL Global Academy:  http://www.CCFLGlobalAcademy.com?ref=3
Parenting Resources- 31 parenting experts, free videos, courses, 1:1 connection  

NEED HELP? Contact  Sue Rumack, Parent the Parent Mentor via email portalcoach@live.ca  subject line Parent the Parent Support. 

Remember: you can unsubscribe at anytime by clicking unsubscribe at the bottom of this page.  

Your Own Inner Child is Raising Your Kids, Sleeping with Your Husband and Embarrassing YOU at Work!

Here's a shocker, I couldn't parent my own kids, until I had parented myself out of my own immature behaviours.                                                                                

All parents make mistakes, but 40 years ago, there were few parenting resources available.   Even then, I recognized I needed to do something drastic to get better parenting results.   

Parenting myself?   It's not like I was orphaned and left alone to raise myself in the jungle of human emotions.  When you have kids, you need to become secure and grounded people raising kids who will grow up secure and grounded OR you will be living in a parenting chaos.  At 23 years old, I looked down into that pit and saw my future if something didn't change fast. A future in Parenting Hell scared me more than having to fix my own glitches.  Translation:  Re-parent yourself to be the best person to raise not only your own kids but fix yourself first.  How?

My parents were great, They prepared me to be a kind, considerate, thinking adult just like them, however I was still at the mercy of my own inner child's immaturity.

 Sit Back, and Enjoy the Inner Child ride with this Rap Video

Parent the Parent Home-Study:
How to Parent Yourself:

• Pay attention to behaviours that keep you stuck, confused or blast you out of control
• Notice how you accept or resist the responsibility of raising kids
• Notice who you are blaming for your kid's bad behaviour
• Ask yourself what you like/love or dislike about your kids regardless of their ages 
• Ask what you like/love or dislike about yourself as their parent
• Decide to change one behaviour each week until you have conquered your parenting demons.

 It's what you do next that proves you are responsible and proactive.  

My Best Parenting Teachers:  My Kids!  It was my kids who took me by the hand and led me through my mistakes and my victories so I could figure out how to get control?  Conscious parenting occurred organically as I parented my own kids, they showed me what I was doing right and what was terribly wrong.  

Inner Child Recovery:  For me, IC Recovery  began the day I noticed how often my own nasty,  jealous, trouble making inner child  messed up my parenting.  The louder my two year old daughter screamed in frustration, the louder I screamed at her in my own frustration.  This immaturity had to stop!  I had even begun nightmaring about future teenage rebellion and it really wasn't pretty.  To make it worse these inappropriate behaviours shook my marriage, and even labelled me as immature to  my boss and colleagues. 

• Tip #1   Pay attention to what triggers an Inner Child tantrum.
• Tip #2   Accept that you are your child's guide and mentor NOT their jailer or disciplinarian
• Tip #3   Recognize the flavour of each period in your kid's life - example:  teens years -  intellectual volleyball

I had to identify my behaviour triggers before my kids and their friends trusted me to share their stories.  I became the teen guide and mentor instead of their jailer, trainer or disciplinarian.  I actually enjoyed their teen years.   We played intellectual volleyball. Retaining your own Inner Child takes time and concentration, but I learned how to transform the old patterns I had grown up with.  This is something I love to teach to parents today.

The Inner Child Phenomenon:  My parents were great... creative, loving, compassionate... I still think they were pretty perfect.  In reality, they weren't perfect and neither am.  I learned my behaviours both good and bad from my parents just as they learned from theirs.  My family isn't unique. Kids copy behaviours and triggers from parents.  The key word here is TRIGGER.  Science has proven that not all genetic family patterns are genetic.  Anger management is copied, so is abuse, some addictions, business success and loving/protective family environments.  Therefore getting grounded and secure so you can be the best person to raise your kids means knowing your triggers, how to turn them on and how to turn them off.

The Nasty Place:  "Inner Child" Behaviours. Yup,  Inner Child is stuck to Inner Critic and both make a pretty invincible duo when it comes to taking the adult out of parenting behaviour.   Your deepest insecurity is heightened by judgement felt emotionally and physically when your Inner Critic bashes your Inner Child for the feelings you don't always know how to control.  Here's a well known scenario;  your two year old is tantruming for the third time this morning.  You have tried all the approved methods of control and now you are contemplating a few of the unapproved methods when your sweet angel pushes you over the edge into oblivion and you start screaming at her to do what she is told.     I'll bet you know the feeling. You know that once you've lost control, and your kids are out of control, everyone needs a timeout.  It doesn't matter whether you lose it at the beginning of the day or at the end, the result is the same...  as the parent you feel like a total mess. But this is fixable.

This blog and Parent the Parent is the right place for you if it feels like your kids are running the show and you don't know how to get control back.  Whether you are a stay-at-home parent or a time-crunched working parent who is moving at the speed of light just to keep up, you may feel like you don't have time to be the best parent and are just glad to get through another day. Visiting this blog will be the break you need where you will find humour, permission to be your best, and real tools to help you along the way.   

Please SUBSCRIBE at the bottom of the post, SHARE and VISIT us daily.  There will be expert giveaways from many other experts besides myself along with free resources and great low to no-cost programs you can join.  

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 Not yet a Blog Subscriber?   Scroll to the bottom of this page and click subscribe so you won't miss a single post. 

Want to help grow your own parenting success network?  Help grow this blog by SHARING.   There is someone out there waiting to read your comments.  Please help others.  

Enjoy InJOY

Sue Rumack, Parent the Parent Expert, Author:  
       The Pulse of Awakening, How to Connect With Soul and Life Purpose
       The Top 10 Tools Every Successful Parent Needs (release Christmas 2014) 

Blog:  http://parentingsuccesstips.blogspot.ca/

Website:   https://www.pulseofawakening.com/parent-the-parent.html

***  CCFL Global Academy:  http://www.CCFLGlobalAcademy.com?ref=3 
Parenting Resources- 31 parenting experts, free videos, courses, 1:1 connection  

NEED HELP? Contact  Sue Rumack, Parent the Parent Mentor via Parent the Parent Mentoring Groups Support  or email portalcoach@live.ca  subject line Parent the Parent Support. 

REALLY? Impolite, manipulative kids are more successful when they grow up?

Here is the dilemma facing modern parents:  How do we teach our kids to be polite, respectful AND successful in a society that rewards rude, manipulative and demanding people? 

At the end of this post, check your free Parent-the-Parent Home-Study 4 week self-help lesson plan designed to change family patterns of 'Asking and Receiving'.  

I don't know about you but as a child, I was taught that it was not polite to ask for what you wanted... however, children could choose words that hinted at what they wanted.   We used body language to convey an unspoken wish, and it was even OK to gently, naively manipulate people to get what you wanted.  The rule was you could wish for that pony but because you couldn't directly ASK for it, you rarely got it.  As a result, there are two generations of wishers not do-ers who are now the role models for today's kids.  AND today's kids are rebelling against anything that is not authentic and honest because they are bombarded with inauthentic media! Today's children are a new breed challenging us to guide them to become better people than we are ourselves.  Now this is a dilemma! 

Things have changed. There are no boundaries to what we can ask for, and there are certainly no boundaries for how we ask.  This is the root of a huge "respect" problem plaguing parents raising kids, teachers teaching kids, corporations hiring and keeping employees who are essentially big kids.  Pushing the respect issues out to the next level beyond family, friends and careers, how about cultures not respecting other cultures resulting in escalating hot spot wars. 

What about media?  Have you noticed the direct assault on consumers to buy products, to take training, to enroll in costly self-help programs? Media advertising, kids shows and movies have all taught our children to be very direct and demanding.  Where does this leave parents who want to raise kids to be respectful AND successful when their little buddies at school are playing by overwhelmingly different rules?   

Here are two tough questions... How do parents teach communications skills that are respectful and still give young kids a voice?  Is it still possible to teach kids how to make appropriate long range choices, so that they grow into adults who are able to get what they need to live fulfilling and fulfilled lives?  

Parent-the-Parent Home Study homework:  
This post is providing your FREE 4 week self-study project to build respectful, successful communication so both you and your kids ask directly for what you want and get it without the drama or anger. 

Choose one question per week and journal your experiences.
Pay attention to (a) challenging moments and (b)  moments of success.   
Then (c) choose to release non-productive behaviours immediately replacing them with one of your new respectful behaviours. 

Exercise #1.  Behaviours Recognition:  Live the behaviours you want your kids to copy. 

To get rid of your worst behaviours, you need to first identify those gut wrenching moments when you practically scream... "Do what I say, not what I do!" This exercise is tough because it  means you have to pay attention to and get rid of your worst behaviours

• Make a list of the top 3 worst behaviours both you and your kids share  (YES, they are copying you!)
• Choose 1 behaviour to let go of
• Design a better behaviour that is easy for you to maintain
• Practice this new behaviour religiously for one week.  Notice the difference. 

Note:  Kids resist because if it's OK for you to do something then WHY isn't it OK for them?  

         

Exercise #2.  Releasing Worst Behaviours 

You've heard kids complain when you tell them to stop..."It's not fair!!!!  You do it!"  

     

Observe:   What is your usual response when they yell back? 

                (a) Is it working to get co-operation from  your kids? Details please.

                (b) Is this response appropriate?  Why or Why not.
                (c)  If it is appropriate:

                         Define what you are doing correctly?

                         How can you do more of this?   

   

Exercise #3.  Respect 

• Begin by respecting yourself - this takes conscious practice but your entire life will change  
• Next, show respect for your kids in your tone of voice, by getting down to their eye level
• Ask their opinions and discuss their ideas showing respect for their thoughts and using some of their ideas. 

Exercise #4.  Communicate 

• Ask your kids what they want and listen intently without immediately rejecting their ideas, dreams, wishes 
• Listen for their "need" underneath the wish or the want.  Respond with recognition of their need and an offer to help make their wish come true in some small way
• Negotiate a win-win where your kids win some of what they want and you teach them values and respect in the process. 

  

I'm Sue Rumack your parent-the-parent coach.  My entire goal in writing this blog is help parents who may not be able to access group or individual coaching to get as much help as they can, with each homework to make change begin to happen for themselves.  Choose a week, any week and try just one of the suggestions above for that whole week.  Then let me know what changed at your house.  It's FREE and it will change your life.  

Print this post so you have the questions handy and keep it with your journal.  

*******************************************************************

Not yet a Blog Subscriber?   Scroll to the bottom of this page and click subscribe so you won't miss a single post. 

Want to help grow your own parenting success network?  Help grow this blog by SHARING.   There is someone out there in the blogosphere waiting to read your comments.  Please help others.  

Enjoy InJOY

Sue Rumack, Parent the Parent Expert, CCFL

Author:  The Pulse of Awakening, How to Connect With Soul and Life Purpose

              The Top 10 Tools Every Successful Parent Needs (release Christmas 2014) 

Blog:  http://parentingsuccesstips.blogspot.ca/

Website:   https://www.pulseofawakening.com/parent-the-parent.html

CCFL Global Academy:  http://www.CCFLGlobalAcademy.com?ref=3
Parenting Resources- 31 parenting experts, free videos, courses, 1:1 connection  

NEED HELP? Contact  Sue Rumack, Parent the Parent Mentor via Parent the Parent Mentoring Groups Support  or email portalcoach@live.ca  subject line Parent the Parent Support. 

Remember: you can unsubscribe at anytime by clicking unsubscribe at the bottom of this page.  

OMG... Being the Mom is a Life Sentence

OK, so as I wipe the tears of laughter from my cheeks after listening to this totally irreverent take on mommyhood,  I am seriously listening to the pain this woman so seemlessly shares.  Looking around at the audience shots you can see she has hit every mommy button and the dads get it too.   She is really good!

There is nothing part time about being the parent.  You are in it for the long haul.  You need tools, you need resources, and you need affirmation that you are doing it ALL right even if you aren't doing it ALL right all the time.  The best you can hope for is to know you aren't doing any lasting damage and maybe a little future good.

So on the one hand the OMG life sentence is:

#1   mommyhood is selfless
#2   being the Mom is messy, dirty and at times off the charts disgusting
#3   being the Mom means you aren't who you used to be when you were single - a tough transition
#4   being a Mom means being switched to ON 24 hours a day - minus a few shared potty-breaks
#3   Being the Mom often means Dads just don't get it but that's OK too

On the other hand you are also sentenced to an OMG lifetime of: 

#1   loving and being loved
#2   trusting and being trusted
#3   gut instinct and being right
#4   opening up to new gifts, strengths and talents you didn't know you owned
#5   happy tears and sad tears
#6   expectation and memories

Can you keep a secret? 

I'm hoping you can't...I am excited to introduce you to this amazing new membership site ,  CCFL Global Academy, the revolutionary new parenting resource which is still under construction. You are invited to join us, even before the public launch to test every single resource, gift and program. I am so excited about my role of Parent-the-Parent Expert that I had to share it here on my blog. 

As my guest, you can visit, http://www.CCFLGlobalAcademy.com?ref=3 and receive your one month free membership using this promo code  mBr2cD#4 

I can't promise you that your life will be completely transformed tomorrow, I can promise that you will have access to some incredible content, exclusive blogs, videos and even live content... all we ask in return is your input on what else you would like to see there.

Yes, you will go through the entire process of signing up to be a member, including putting in your credit card number which will not be used unless you choose to remain a member on day 31.  AND you are under no obligation at all to continue as a member being able to cancel at any time. I invite you to play on the site as much as you like for 30 days.  Your ideas, input and opinions are really important to me. 

To learn more about the membership, please visit http://www.CCFLGlobalAcademy.com?ref=3. Use promo code mBr2cD#4 for a free month as my personal guest. 

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Not yet a Blog Subscriber?   Scroll to the bottom of this page and click subscribe so you won't miss a single post. 

Want to help grow your own parenting success network?  Help grow this page by Sharing.   Your comments help others.  

Enjoy InJOY

Sue Rumack, Parent the Parent Expert, CCFL

Author:  The Pulse of Awakening, How to Connect With Soul and Life Purpose

              The Top 10 Tools Every Successful Parent Needs (release Christmas 2014) 

Blog:  http://parentingsuccesstips.blogspot.ca/

Website:   https://www.pulseofawakening.com/parent-the-parent.html

If you need help be sure to contact  Sue Rumack, Parent the Parent Mentor via Parent the Parent Mentoring Groups Support  or email portalcoach@live.ca  subject line Parent the Parent Support. 

Parents Alienating Kids? Isn't it the other way around?

  Listen Here for this surprising interview - Funny and Informative.

Is it really possible to alienate yourself from your kids on purpose? 
Can alienation really start in the womb? 
Can you reverse your homefront war zone into a safe, non stressful haven for every family member?    

Your concept of what it takes to be the BEST PARENT is about explode...  BlogTalk Radio Show - Feel Good Parenting featuring Sue Rumack, Parent the Parent Expert, speaking with Bonnie and Thomas Liotta, CCFL Global Academy will expand your parenting consciousness, and  give you permission to be the best parent you can be.  

Your comments are appreciated and will help others to form their ideas as well.

Homework for the Home Study Parent the Parent student:
1.  Listen to the interview again... this time write down questions for yourself about how your style of parenting fits into these concepts.

2.  Ask what you want to do differently?

3.  Choose one thing to change - make it something small and attainable quickly.   Plan how you will make small personal attitude or behaviour changes in yourself.   Practice the changes diligently.
Journal your experience.   When ready, choose one more small change... rinse and repeat above.

 For more please visit Parent the Parent pages for tips, tools and exercises.  You might find exactly the right the answer. This Page and Resource Page are spectacularly helpful.   

Not yet a Subscriber?   Scroll to the bottom of this page and click subscribe so you won't miss a single post. 

Want to help grow your own parenting success network?  Help grow this page by Sharing.   Your comments help others.  

Enjoy InJOY

Sue Rumack, Parent the Parent Expert, CCFL

Author:  The Pulse of Awakening, How to Connect With Soul and Life Purpose

              The Top 10 Tools Every Successful Parent Needs (release Christmas 2014) 

Blog:  http://parentingsuccesstips.blogspot.ca/

Website:   https://www.pulseofawakening.com/parent-the-parent.html

If you need help be sure to contact  Sue Rumack, Parent the Parent Mentor via Parent the Parent Mentoring Groups Support  or email portalcoach@live.ca  subject line Parent the Parent Support.

 

Being a Mom can kill your career!

I wonder how many of today's young moms are really feeling pressured to be everything to everyone. I am often the fly on the wall listening in on subway conversations, coffee shop rants, and smoking circles outside office buildings. 

What I hear most, is that Mom is being crushed by her extra-curricular (outside of career) work as the go-to person for everything. 

"Everything" also includes the unconscious spiritual guidance her kids pick up at home. I'm not talking about church, temple, synagogue. No, I'm talking about the inner connections your kids make to who they are inside. This is the part that makes them tick, gets them positive recognition, punished, or stuck.

Moms, if you don't know your deepest values and how they work for or against you, how can you provide these skills and answers to your kids when they look to you to make their world safe, and successful?

Today's Tool is Self Awareness.   The exercise below  will take you to an inner place where you can gently probe to see the value you bring to your world.  You need to know what you bring in how you create trust because your visibly display your deepest values.  Your deepest values are what ground your entire family.   When you know your value, you bring its presence into your career.  This is when you double-dip on success.   

Being a Mom can kill your career if you are stressed and running in circles trying to be all things to all people. Consequently, when you know the value you provide, every decision is made on whether or not you are aligned with your deepest value. If yes, your decisions and actions match your values.  The result is that you won't sabotage the outcome or mess up the action plan "accidentally on purpose".  If you are  not in alignment, well... you know the answer to this one because you have lived it, as have we all. 

Homework for Parent the Parenting Home Study Students:

Directions:   Journal your answers for future reference.  

Ask yourself: 

1.  What can't I live without?  

Example Answer:  You may not be able to live without adventure, freedom of speech, freedom of choice or action, or the beautiful things in life, nature, or without laughter.  Your options are wide open.  

2.  Do I make decisions based on respecting this valued piece of my life? 

Example Answer:  Jane accepted a high stress, high paying job that takes her away from her kids every evening, weekends, holidays because she wanted both financial security and status.  Security with a price tag. Her deepest value is family security, AND being with her children as they grow up.  She is dying from 

guilt and stress and missing her family growing up. Now she is make bad decisions at work and arguing with her kids and spouse.  Jane respected her value to be the provider of security BUT she did not factor in the consequence of losing touch with her family.  Was the high stress - high salary the right fit with her deepest life values?  Will she succeed?  

3.  Review past decisions to see if they were in alignment with this deep life value discovered in step 1.  If you failed, was it because you chose out of necessity to ignore this value?  Why did this decision or goal fail? If it was successful, what made it successful? 

For more please visit Parent the Parent pages for tips, tools and exercises.  You might find exactly the right the answer. This Page and Resource Page are spectacularly helpful.   

Not yet a Subscriber?   Scroll to the bottom of this page and click subscribe so you won't miss a single post. 

Want to help grow your own parenting success network?  Help grow this page by Sharing.   Your comments help others.  

Enjoy InJOY

Sue Rumack, Parent the Parent Expert, CCFL

Author:  The Pulse of Awakening, How to Connect With Soul and Life Purpose

              The Top 10 Tools Every Successful Parent Needs (release Christmas 2014) 

Blog:  http://parentingsuccesstips.blogspot.ca/
Website:   https://www.pulseofawakening.com/parent-the-parent.html

• 21 minutes ago
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So being a Mom is a Spiritual experience? Says WHO!

Dirty diapers, tantrums (theirs and yours), discipline, exhaustion... is there ANYTHING spiritual about being the parent to an infant who doesn't sleep, a child who is learning boundaries, the teen who is pushing those boundaries and to ourselves, the moms who do it all?

If life is a journey, and you are a spiritual, not necessarily religious person, you might be forced by life situations to put spirituality on the shelf because there aren't enough hours in the day to be totally, consciously present in every stressful Mom moment AND simultaneously be totally present in keeping your children open to being the spiritually conscious beings they were also born to be.

What is stopping you from taking your spiritual journey....  Nothing!   Remember those moments you had to shelve because everyone else was louder and more needy than YOU?

Those moments are your greatest learning, your greatest growth.  Everything you could have beaten yourself up about, is a moment in which you could be fully present.  When the little darlings are in bed, instead of feeling guilty for your behaviour, open your life's classroom door and step into the moment, to see how you could have responded differently or how you did respond perfectly.  Learning from those moments is your spiritual journey. Make change where change is needed, celebrate when celebration is called for.

Everything happens for a reason, especially our kids.   Parenting is the total spiritual experience when you know how to use it.

So, Mom are you on a spiritual journey?  It's up to you.

Welcome to your life.... Parent The Parent Mentoring Groups