It was my kids who taught me to be the best PERSON I could be SO THAT I would become their best parent.
Do first time parents expect to be the expert AFTER reading every parenting manual available? YES... of course you do!
And here is one more truism... Moms' gal-pals share their best tips, memorable, and even self-sabotaging rants which results in environments where whole friend groups share the same issues, failures and the occasional win so you have company and proof that you are not alone in the confusion of parenting.
Fact: Moms share for their best/worst practices for every kid raising issue.
Village Wise Woman Comment: AND how's that working for 'ya?
I began doing the "Mom thing" 40 years ago... so now, 40 years later, many call me the Global Village Wise Woman. However, the tools I share are more relevant and evergreen than most parenting manuals because they come direct from your kids. Can you see the logic of how the most universally successful parenting tools come from your own kids when you learn to customize your reactions and behaviours as the parent leader for your family's needs?
As a young mom, I didn't have gal-pals because I was the first of my posse to have kids. With disastrous results, I read Dr Spock, the "only" parenting book available back then. My own mom, had died when I was a teen and I was on a different generational path than my wonderful beautiful mother-in-law. Sadly in the beginning I didn't trust myself to be my own best adviser. It felt like I was flying solo until my child and I partnered in raising her.
Who actually trained me to be the best parent I could be? My kids did! Even in the womb, my unborn baby would react negatively by kicking, turning in circles, jumping like crazy when I afraid, sad, depressed, thinking negatively, but she would almost stroke the inside of my belly when I was happy, loving, contented, So, even before my child was in my arms, she and I were talking about how she needed me to show up emotionally. After she was born, it was almost as if we were telepathically linked. I moved fast, talked fast, thought fast but the faster I moved and reacted; the louder she screamed. The more I consciously calmed my reactions the calmer she became. I learned to monitor my reactions based on her extreme reactions. She was training me to understand what she needed to feel safe. And it didn't stop there, as she got older she continued to respond telepathically, until she could speak and voice her needs.
As a toddler, pre-schooler and even elementary school student she would respond emotionally and energetically, sending off waves of emotion that I had learned to read and respond to, just as she responded to my waves of emotion. By the time she was a teen, this early training gave me the warning signals of impending behaviours and reactions and we really respected each other and communicated. As an adult, we are still reading each other. She is now mothering in very similar and successful ways following the template of how she was mothered.
This is only one example of how reading each other's behaviours trains us to be better people. I slowed down, paid attention to her unspoken energy as one of her forms of communication. I learned to read her and to speak her unspoken language. It worked well and is still the basis of our relationship.
Homework for the serious parent the parent student: Notice how your baby's or child'd emotional response is tied to yours. Who reacts first and which reactions most affect outcome? Start a small journal, noting your emotional state and your child's matching or opposite state of mind. Pay attention to what happens when you choose to change your state of mind. Practice feeling your way into what your child is feeling. See what they see from the inside/out... I promise your point of view will change and so will your parenting style... all for the better.
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Next post, prepare to be entertained with song and merriment...
Enjoy InJOY Sue Rumack, The Parent the Parent Expert
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How are your sons being limited by inequality in education, career training and within the family structure? AND if this is messing with your son's future, you can only imagine what it is doing to your daughter's!
