Best Success Parenting Tips : REALLY? Impolite, manipulative kids are more succe...

Best Success Parenting Tips : REALLY? Impolite, manipulative kids are more succe...: Here is the dilemma facing modern parents:  How do we teach our kids to be polite, respectful AND successful in a society that reward...

REALLY? Impolite, manipulative kids are more successful when they grow up?

Here is the dilemma facing modern parents:  How do we teach our kids to be polite, respectful AND successful in a society that rewards rude, manipulative and demanding people? 

At the end of this post, check your free Parent-the-Parent Home-Study 4 week self-help lesson plan designed to change family patterns of 'Asking and Receiving'.  

I don't know about you but as a child, I was taught that it was not polite to ask for what you wanted... however, children could choose words that hinted at what they wanted.   We used body language to convey an unspoken wish, and it was even OK to gently, naively manipulate people to get what you wanted.  The rule was you could wish for that pony but because you couldn't directly ASK for it, you rarely got it.  As a result, there are two generations of wishers not do-ers who are now the role models for today's kids.  AND today's kids are rebelling against anything that is not authentic and honest because they are bombarded with inauthentic media! Today's children are a new breed challenging us to guide them to become better people than we are ourselves.  Now this is a dilemma! 

Things have changed. There are no boundaries to what we can ask for, and there are certainly no boundaries for how we ask.  This is the root of a huge "respect" problem plaguing parents raising kids, teachers teaching kids, corporations hiring and keeping employees who are essentially big kids.  Pushing the respect issues out to the next level beyond family, friends and careers, how about cultures not respecting other cultures resulting in escalating hot spot wars. 

What about media?  Have you noticed the direct assault on consumers to buy products, to take training, to enroll in costly self-help programs? Media advertising, kids shows and movies have all taught our children to be very direct and demanding.  Where does this leave parents who want to raise kids to be respectful AND successful when their little buddies at school are playing by overwhelmingly different rules?   

Here are two tough questions... How do parents teach communications skills that are respectful and still give young kids a voice?  Is it still possible to teach kids how to make appropriate long range choices, so that they grow into adults who are able to get what they need to live fulfilling and fulfilled lives?  

Parent-the-Parent Home Study homework:  
This post is providing your FREE 4 week self-study project to build respectful, successful communication so both you and your kids ask directly for what you want and get it without the drama or anger. 

Choose one question per week and journal your experiences.
Pay attention to (a) challenging moments and (b)  moments of success.   
Then (c) choose to release non-productive behaviours immediately replacing them with one of your new respectful behaviours. 

Exercise #1.  Behaviours Recognition:  Live the behaviours you want your kids to copy. 

To get rid of your worst behaviours, you need to first identify those gut wrenching moments when you practically scream... "Do what I say, not what I do!" This exercise is tough because it  means you have to pay attention to and get rid of your worst behaviours

• Make a list of the top 3 worst behaviours both you and your kids share  (YES, they are copying you!)
• Choose 1 behaviour to let go of
• Design a better behaviour that is easy for you to maintain
• Practice this new behaviour religiously for one week.  Notice the difference. 

Note:  Kids resist because if it's OK for you to do something then WHY isn't it OK for them?  

         

Exercise #2.  Releasing Worst Behaviours 

You've heard kids complain when you tell them to stop..."It's not fair!!!!  You do it!"  

     

Observe:   What is your usual response when they yell back? 

                (a) Is it working to get co-operation from  your kids? Details please.

                (b) Is this response appropriate?  Why or Why not.
                (c)  If it is appropriate:

                         Define what you are doing correctly?

                         How can you do more of this?   

   

Exercise #3.  Respect 

• Begin by respecting yourself - this takes conscious practice but your entire life will change  
• Next, show respect for your kids in your tone of voice, by getting down to their eye level
• Ask their opinions and discuss their ideas showing respect for their thoughts and using some of their ideas. 

Exercise #4.  Communicate 

• Ask your kids what they want and listen intently without immediately rejecting their ideas, dreams, wishes 
• Listen for their "need" underneath the wish or the want.  Respond with recognition of their need and an offer to help make their wish come true in some small way
• Negotiate a win-win where your kids win some of what they want and you teach them values and respect in the process. 

  

I'm Sue Rumack your parent-the-parent coach.  My entire goal in writing this blog is help parents who may not be able to access group or individual coaching to get as much help as they can, with each homework to make change begin to happen for themselves.  Choose a week, any week and try just one of the suggestions above for that whole week.  Then let me know what changed at your house.  It's FREE and it will change your life.  

Print this post so you have the questions handy and keep it with your journal.  

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Enjoy InJOY

Sue Rumack, Parent the Parent Expert, CCFL

Author:  The Pulse of Awakening, How to Connect With Soul and Life Purpose

              The Top 10 Tools Every Successful Parent Needs (release Christmas 2014) 

Blog:  http://parentingsuccesstips.blogspot.ca/

Website:   https://www.pulseofawakening.com/parent-the-parent.html

CCFL Global Academy:  http://www.CCFLGlobalAcademy.com?ref=3
Parenting Resources- 31 parenting experts, free videos, courses, 1:1 connection  

NEED HELP? Contact  Sue Rumack, Parent the Parent Mentor via Parent the Parent Mentoring Groups Support  or email portalcoach@live.ca  subject line Parent the Parent Support. 

Remember: you can unsubscribe at anytime by clicking unsubscribe at the bottom of this page.  

Best Success Parenting Tips : Cry Babies Don't Get NO Love!

Best Success Parenting Tips : Cry Babies Don't Get NO Love!: Crying isn"t always because of bad things... The BIG , HAIRY, SCARY vs the LONG ANTICIPATED WONDERFUL THING has happened and ...

Cry Babies Don't Get NO Love!

Crying isn"t always because of bad things...

The BIG , HAIRY, SCARY vs the LONG ANTICIPATED WONDERFUL THING has happened and those huge emotions that built minute by minute, hour by hour, day by day are still feeling like a monstrous balloon inside your brain, your heart, maybe even your body.  But now it's over!   Along with relief maybe there is joy, OR maybe great grief and a sense of loss, maybe also a closing down of the old and and opening up of possibility?  A bright new future? And this is where crying shows it's greatest value to emotional health.  

MY STORY
I was the child of steel... nothing and nobody could make me cry.... Instead by holding back this one emotion, the effort to NOT cry made me think harder about ways to fix a bad situation; in effect  to push emotion out of the way of intellect.  So maybe choosing when to cry and when to strategize isn't such a bad thing.   This was the child-me, but when I became a teen,  I didn't know how to let down my guard, to share my emotions with friends - I had very few friends.  When  I was still a teen my Mom died, I couldn't cry for months and while I was the strong one everybody came to for support, this strength actually alienated me from my grieving family.   Later, when my young husband got sick, I had no outlet for my fear and appeared to be strong but unapproachable.  This eventually led to divorce decades later.   Even when I was feeling hurt and rejected, there might have a sob or two and a moment for tears in private, but then it was all sucked back into my spine and I carried on... fear and all...  I felt all the emotions but could not express them physically through tears... The result was devastating.  By the age of 29,  I became very physically sick because my body stored all the earlier emotions which in turn triggered physical illness.  This condition has endangered my life ever since.   When I learned to open to my emotions after the age of 50, my physical health improved. Interesting my emotional health was rarely at risk.

The CRIERS
Yes... there are those relentless criers who add to the earth's water supply in copious amounts but this is how they express  and even identify themselves.  It is how they are and perhaps we can love them for who they are and even accept their tears as one of the delightful quirks that makes them unique and lovable.  But our conversation today isn't about loving any person other than yourself, the adult-you and the parent-you, who is guiding yourself to make sense of your life, so you can help your kids to make sense of theirs.  

Parent-the-Parent Home Study -  Today's Thought Byte... 
Parents who do not honour tears shed by their kids or themselves, have firmly closed and locked a very powerful communications tool.   Babies cry, it's how they communicate their earliest needs and we learn to speak baby by deciphering the sounds of the cries.  Toddler are much the same as babies and crying is how they communicate without adequate vocabulary.  Older children have honed this skill and now need our help to know when to cry and when to use their words and intellect.  And so it goes until the child becomes the adult.  

Parents it is your responsibility to teach communication skills and to allow tears as the overflow-valve and the communicator. 

Parents are a whole other version of the adult when it comes to crying.  When the adult parent cries silently, in private without making a sound, we might call this depression or being strong.   When the adult parent cries out loud in the company of other adults we might call this a cry for support from our peers.  When the adult parent cries in the presence of their child, we might call this a shared moment  or we might call it weakness, OR we might call it manipulation.   It all depends on your point of view and of the circumstances and history of this particular adult. 

Parents learn your crying triggers, notice the patterns and learn how to ask yourself, "what, why, when, how and where", you will be comfortable showing emotion through tears.  

Science has proven that crying is an emotional safety valve which, when shut off and locked up blocks a part of our self understanding and self appreciation in ways the deny our intense humanity.   Every animal cries.  Even plants weep when cut and wither when exposed to harsh emotions.   So why do we, as an intelligent species deny, ridicule and emotionally lock up the one god-given outlet gifted to every species on earth? 

Crying releases pent-up energies both happy and sad.

Crying is the pause that let's us reframe what's going on. There are the happy tears too! Like when a baby is safely delivered, or your child is getting married, graduating, first day of anything... happy, scared, both scared and happy tears. 

Crying let's others know you need some emotional response from them. 

Crying clears emotional space in a physical way. 

Crying is good. AND like many of you, I was also taught to hide those emotions but no more!   

My daughters learned from ME how to lock up their emotions.  They have had to UNDO this damage without my help before damaging  their own relationships or health.  As they learned to express their needs using words, emotions and actions they are teaching their partners how to communicate with them, and they are teaching their children, to read their parents signals. At the same time their children absorb how to express healthy tears in healthy ways.  They are learning as adults in relationship with their husbands and kids.   I can see now how my holding back of emotional expression negatively impacted their development.  My daughters are loving, caring, articulate women who are teaching their children how to maneuver through their own emotions AND these young parent educators are not afraid to show their tears to their loved ones.   

In order to be the best person, so you will be the best parent for your child, it is essential to learn how to express emotion, going even as far as letting your child see your tears.  You are teaching that it is OK to feel emotion and to express it, when you  EXPLAIN why you are crying, how it is not their fault that you are crying and finally what you will do to make yourself happy again.   

I was the child of steel... nothing and nobody could make me cry....  How about YOU?  What makes you cry?  

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Not yet a Blog Subscriber?   Scroll to the bottom of this page and click subscribe so you won't miss a single post. 

Want to help grow your own parenting success network?  Help grow this page by Sharing.   Your comments help others.  

Enjoy InJOY

Sue Rumack, Parent the Parent Expert, CCFL

Author:  The Pulse of Awakening, How to Connect With Soul and Life Purpose

              The Top 10 Tools Every Successful Parent Needs (release Christmas 2014) 

Blog:  http://parentingsuccesstips.blogspot.ca/

Website:   https://www.pulseofawakening.com/parent-the-parent.html

CCFL Global Academy:  http://www.CCFLGlobalAcademy.com?ref=3
Parenting Resources- 31 parenting experts, free videos, courses, 1:1 connection  Promo code  mBr2cD#4

If you need help be sure to contact  Sue Rumack, Parent the Parent Mentor via Parent the Parent Mentoring Groups Support  or email portalcoach@live.ca  subject line Parent the Parent Support. 

Remember: you can unsubscribe at anytime by clicking unsubscribe at the bottom of this page.  

OMG... Being the Mom is a Life Sentence

OK, so as I wipe the tears of laughter from my cheeks after listening to this totally irreverent take on mommyhood,  I am seriously listening to the pain this woman so seemlessly shares.  Looking around at the audience shots you can see she has hit every mommy button and the dads get it too.   She is really good!

There is nothing part time about being the parent.  You are in it for the long haul.  You need tools, you need resources, and you need affirmation that you are doing it ALL right even if you aren't doing it ALL right all the time.  The best you can hope for is to know you aren't doing any lasting damage and maybe a little future good.

So on the one hand the OMG life sentence is:

#1   mommyhood is selfless
#2   being the Mom is messy, dirty and at times off the charts disgusting
#3   being the Mom means you aren't who you used to be when you were single - a tough transition
#4   being a Mom means being switched to ON 24 hours a day - minus a few shared potty-breaks
#3   Being the Mom often means Dads just don't get it but that's OK too

On the other hand you are also sentenced to an OMG lifetime of: 

#1   loving and being loved
#2   trusting and being trusted
#3   gut instinct and being right
#4   opening up to new gifts, strengths and talents you didn't know you owned
#5   happy tears and sad tears
#6   expectation and memories

Can you keep a secret? 

I'm hoping you can't...I am excited to introduce you to this amazing new membership site ,  CCFL Global Academy, the revolutionary new parenting resource which is still under construction. You are invited to join us, even before the public launch to test every single resource, gift and program. I am so excited about my role of Parent-the-Parent Expert that I had to share it here on my blog. 

As my guest, you can visit, http://www.CCFLGlobalAcademy.com?ref=3 and receive your one month free membership using this promo code  mBr2cD#4 

I can't promise you that your life will be completely transformed tomorrow, I can promise that you will have access to some incredible content, exclusive blogs, videos and even live content... all we ask in return is your input on what else you would like to see there.

Yes, you will go through the entire process of signing up to be a member, including putting in your credit card number which will not be used unless you choose to remain a member on day 31.  AND you are under no obligation at all to continue as a member being able to cancel at any time. I invite you to play on the site as much as you like for 30 days.  Your ideas, input and opinions are really important to me. 

To learn more about the membership, please visit http://www.CCFLGlobalAcademy.com?ref=3. Use promo code mBr2cD#4 for a free month as my personal guest. 

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Not yet a Blog Subscriber?   Scroll to the bottom of this page and click subscribe so you won't miss a single post. 

Want to help grow your own parenting success network?  Help grow this page by Sharing.   Your comments help others.  

Enjoy InJOY

Sue Rumack, Parent the Parent Expert, CCFL

Author:  The Pulse of Awakening, How to Connect With Soul and Life Purpose

              The Top 10 Tools Every Successful Parent Needs (release Christmas 2014) 

Blog:  http://parentingsuccesstips.blogspot.ca/

Website:   https://www.pulseofawakening.com/parent-the-parent.html

If you need help be sure to contact  Sue Rumack, Parent the Parent Mentor via Parent the Parent Mentoring Groups Support  or email portalcoach@live.ca  subject line Parent the Parent Support. 

Parents Alienating Kids? Isn't it the other way around?

  Listen Here for this surprising interview - Funny and Informative.

Is it really possible to alienate yourself from your kids on purpose? 
Can alienation really start in the womb? 
Can you reverse your homefront war zone into a safe, non stressful haven for every family member?    

Your concept of what it takes to be the BEST PARENT is about explode...  BlogTalk Radio Show - Feel Good Parenting featuring Sue Rumack, Parent the Parent Expert, speaking with Bonnie and Thomas Liotta, CCFL Global Academy will expand your parenting consciousness, and  give you permission to be the best parent you can be.  

Your comments are appreciated and will help others to form their ideas as well.

Homework for the Home Study Parent the Parent student:
1.  Listen to the interview again... this time write down questions for yourself about how your style of parenting fits into these concepts.

2.  Ask what you want to do differently?

3.  Choose one thing to change - make it something small and attainable quickly.   Plan how you will make small personal attitude or behaviour changes in yourself.   Practice the changes diligently.
Journal your experience.   When ready, choose one more small change... rinse and repeat above.

 For more please visit Parent the Parent pages for tips, tools and exercises.  You might find exactly the right the answer. This Page and Resource Page are spectacularly helpful.   

Not yet a Subscriber?   Scroll to the bottom of this page and click subscribe so you won't miss a single post. 

Want to help grow your own parenting success network?  Help grow this page by Sharing.   Your comments help others.  

Enjoy InJOY

Sue Rumack, Parent the Parent Expert, CCFL

Author:  The Pulse of Awakening, How to Connect With Soul and Life Purpose

              The Top 10 Tools Every Successful Parent Needs (release Christmas 2014) 

Blog:  http://parentingsuccesstips.blogspot.ca/

Website:   https://www.pulseofawakening.com/parent-the-parent.html

If you need help be sure to contact  Sue Rumack, Parent the Parent Mentor via Parent the Parent Mentoring Groups Support  or email portalcoach@live.ca  subject line Parent the Parent Support.

 

So WHY aren't you getting the respect you deserve????

The order of the day in so messages on the internet, in the news, and even in random conversations today seems to be .... Getting the respect you think you deserve. 



So here it is in a nutshell. If you want to be respected by others, you need to show them how to respect YOU by setting clear boundaries for what is acceptable behaviour towards you and what is not. 

Step #1    Just say NO, 
                 Say UNACCEPTABLE, 
                 Say STOP,  this isn't working for me
                 Say INTOLERABLE, this is no longer acceptable
                 Say BE NICE WITH ME, I deserve better

Step #2    Show them, by becoming the role model in how you treat others respectfully

Step #3    Make it easy for others to respect you by becoming their teacher through Show and Tell. 

Homework for the Parent the Parent Homestudy Student: 

1.  Observe and Journal Steps #1, #2, and #3.
2.  Use your voice and your ability to be the role model for others to change your life.   

So WHY aren't you getting the respect you deserve?  Perhaps you aren't asking for it it in ways that others can hear you.  I promise following the 3 steps above AND doing the homework will change your future.   

For more on how you are the creator of your destiny.please visit 
 http://pulseofawakening.com/parent-the-parent.html for your free consultation.

Will the Earth self-destruct in 30 years? Absolutely YES... unless...

Yes, absolutely the Earth as we know will not exist 30 years from now.

Just as the Earth my father knew was always evolving, and had completed close to three 30 year revolutions before his 87th birthday in the last year of his life. As Computers got smaller and smaller, technology got bigger and bigger. Dad actually embraced every new technology as exciting and life changing in the most positive way. I can only imagine what he would say now, only a decade later when my own 4 and 8 year old grandsons are each engrossed in separate hand held devices creating worlds within worlds, all before breakfast. 

This post isn't about my Dad, computers, or the Earth self-destructing but it is about the revolutionary power of change. 

Your mind is the ultimate change-master and the prototype for every essential computer. Your mind can heal your life, unite your family, friends and career into one empowerment package or destroy any semblance of joy you may ever have held. 

Your mind is the empowerment hub of everything you hold dear and your future is without doubt, tied to your mindset. 

You will be wildly successful in designing your next success or wildly successful in creating your greatest failures. It is all up to you. So will your world self-destruct in 30 years or less OR will you take control of how you choose to handle change.  For more on how you are the creator of your destiny.please visit 
 http://pulseofawakening.com/parent-the-parent.html for your free consultation.

Being a Mom can kill your career!

I wonder how many of today's young moms are really feeling pressured to be everything to everyone. I am often the fly on the wall listening in on subway conversations, coffee shop rants, and smoking circles outside office buildings. 

What I hear most, is that Mom is being crushed by her extra-curricular (outside of career) work as the go-to person for everything. 

"Everything" also includes the unconscious spiritual guidance her kids pick up at home. I'm not talking about church, temple, synagogue. No, I'm talking about the inner connections your kids make to who they are inside. This is the part that makes them tick, gets them positive recognition, punished, or stuck.

Moms, if you don't know your deepest values and how they work for or against you, how can you provide these skills and answers to your kids when they look to you to make their world safe, and successful?

Today's Tool is Self Awareness.   The exercise below  will take you to an inner place where you can gently probe to see the value you bring to your world.  You need to know what you bring in how you create trust because your visibly display your deepest values.  Your deepest values are what ground your entire family.   When you know your value, you bring its presence into your career.  This is when you double-dip on success.   

Being a Mom can kill your career if you are stressed and running in circles trying to be all things to all people. Consequently, when you know the value you provide, every decision is made on whether or not you are aligned with your deepest value. If yes, your decisions and actions match your values.  The result is that you won't sabotage the outcome or mess up the action plan "accidentally on purpose".  If you are  not in alignment, well... you know the answer to this one because you have lived it, as have we all. 

Homework for Parent the Parenting Home Study Students:

Directions:   Journal your answers for future reference.  

Ask yourself: 

1.  What can't I live without?  

Example Answer:  You may not be able to live without adventure, freedom of speech, freedom of choice or action, or the beautiful things in life, nature, or without laughter.  Your options are wide open.  

2.  Do I make decisions based on respecting this valued piece of my life? 

Example Answer:  Jane accepted a high stress, high paying job that takes her away from her kids every evening, weekends, holidays because she wanted both financial security and status.  Security with a price tag. Her deepest value is family security, AND being with her children as they grow up.  She is dying from 

guilt and stress and missing her family growing up. Now she is make bad decisions at work and arguing with her kids and spouse.  Jane respected her value to be the provider of security BUT she did not factor in the consequence of losing touch with her family.  Was the high stress - high salary the right fit with her deepest life values?  Will she succeed?  

3.  Review past decisions to see if they were in alignment with this deep life value discovered in step 1.  If you failed, was it because you chose out of necessity to ignore this value?  Why did this decision or goal fail? If it was successful, what made it successful? 

For more please visit Parent the Parent pages for tips, tools and exercises.  You might find exactly the right the answer. This Page and Resource Page are spectacularly helpful.   

Not yet a Subscriber?   Scroll to the bottom of this page and click subscribe so you won't miss a single post. 

Want to help grow your own parenting success network?  Help grow this page by Sharing.   Your comments help others.  

Enjoy InJOY

Sue Rumack, Parent the Parent Expert, CCFL

Author:  The Pulse of Awakening, How to Connect With Soul and Life Purpose

              The Top 10 Tools Every Successful Parent Needs (release Christmas 2014) 

Blog:  http://parentingsuccesstips.blogspot.ca/
Website:   https://www.pulseofawakening.com/parent-the-parent.html

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